Managing Difficult Relationships

If you or someone you know is experiencing relationship abuse, help is available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support 24/7. Chat at thehotline.org, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or text “START” to 88788. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Relationships play a vital role in our lives¹, but not all are easy to navigate. Some relationships can become challenging, draining, or even toxic. Learning to identify and manage these relationships is essential for emotional well-being. 

Warning Signs of Difficult Relationships 

Some difficult relationships are easy to identify, such as those that are marked by frequent negativity or conflict or those which regularly lead to increased stress levels. In many cases, however, relationships are not purely easy or difficult.  Rather, relationships are complex, and many will have both positive and challenging elements.  

The following characteristics are frequently found in challenging relationships: 

• Lack of Respect: Criticism, dismissiveness, or belittling. 
• Poor Communication: Avoidance of honest conversations, frequent misunderstandings, or stonewalling (such as giving the silent treatment, avoiding eye contact, or refusing to respond)
• Imbalance: One person consistently gives more while the other takes. 
• Unresolved Conflict:  Issues remain unaddressed, leading to resentment. 
• Chronic Negativity: The relationship brings stress, anxiety, or unhappiness more often than joy. 

Managing Difficult Relationships

Challenging relationships can test your patience and emotional well-being, but with the right strategies, you can navigate them effectively. Both communication and self-regulation skills can be useful for managing difficult relationships.  Here are practical tips for skills you can use in difficult relationships: 

Communication Skills

• Use “I” statements: Focus on expressing your own feelings, rather than assigning blame. Start your statement with “I feel…” rather than “you…”. ²
• Set and Communicate Boundaries: Be clear about your limits and expectations. Politely but firmly enforce your boundaries to protect your emotional space.
• Practice Active listening: Listen to understand not to respond.  Try to identify the other person’s perspective.  Are their behaviors stemming from stress, insecurity, or unmet needs? 
• Practice Empathy: Validate the other person’s feelings without compromising your own.  You can try using statements such as “I understand you feel … when …”.

Self-Regulation Skills

• Focus on Your Own Responses: You can’t control others, but you can control your own behavior and reactions. Stay calm, use neutral language, and avoid escalating conflicts. 
• Set Realistic Expectations: Don’t set yourself up for additional disappointment by expecting something that the relationship cannot provide. While relationships can change and improve, that often takes time. 
• Take Breaks when Needed: Step away temporarily to reset your emotions if you are feeling overwhelmed.  Use this time for self-care and reflection. 
• Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your mental and physical health by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Surround yourself with positive and supportive relationships to balance the stress.³ 

Toxic Relationships and Unsafe Relationships

It is important to distinguish challenging or difficult relationships from toxic or unsafe relationships.  Toxic relationships are, by definition, unhealthy relationships that may cause emotional or physical harm to one or both individuals.  Warning signs of a toxic relationship include ongoing disrespect, manipulation, control, or dishonesty. Emotional or physical abuse may also be present in some toxic relationships.   

Deciding whether to improve or walk away from a difficult relationship is deeply personal and depends on the nature of the relationship, the challenges involved, and your emotional well-being.  In the case of toxic relationships, your safety, physical and mental health are paramount. In some cases, you may find that limiting or cutting off toxic relationships is necessary to preserve your emotional and physical well-being.  

If a relationship involves abuse, manipulation, or persistent toxicity, seek guidance from a therapist or support network. Professional help can provide tools and clarity for navigating complex situations.

Final Thoughts

Relationships are a cornerstone of human experience and contribute to our health, happiness, and growth.   Relationships are also complex, and at times may be difficult to navigate.  Understanding how to identify challenging relationships in your life allows you to manage and potentially improve these interactions.  Practicing communication and self-regulation skills can be an effective way to improve difficult relationships.

Not all difficult relationships need to end, but they do require honest effort from both sides to improve. By recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps, you can protect your well-being while fostering healthier interactions.

Sources:

1. Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529. 

2. Hausberg, M., Hergert, A., Kröger, C., Bullinger, M., Rose, M., & Andreas, S. (2012). Enhancing medical students' communication skills: development and evaluation of an undergraduate training program. BMC Medical Education, 12(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/1472-6920-12-16

3. Suresh, A. (2021). The relationship between communication skills and emotional intelligence. Contemporaneity of Language and Literature in the Robotized Millennium, 3(2), 1-7. https://doi.org/10.46632/cllrm/3/2/1