How to Break Up With Your Therapist and When Not To

Ending a therapeutic relationship can feel like a daunting and uncomfortable experience. Therapy is a deeply personal journey, and sometimes, despite your best efforts, it doesn’t feel like it’s working. You might wonder if it’s time to call it quits, or if you should give it more time. Whether you feel your needs aren’t being met or you're just unsure about the direction of your therapy, knowing when to end your relationship with your therapist can be a delicate decision.

This guide will help you understand when therapy might not be progressing, how to address concerns with your therapist, the difference between needing a new therapist and needing to give therapy more time, and ultimately, how to end the relationship respectfully, and transition to your next step in your mental health journey.

How Do You Know if Therapy is Working?

Before deciding to end therapy, it's important to first assess whether therapy is truly working for you. Therapy is a process, and there are times when you might not immediately feel progress. However, there are certain signs that can indicate therapy is, or is not, meeting your needs.

Signs that Therapy is Working:

• You Feel Heard and Understood: One of the key elements of effective therapy is the relationship you have with your therapist.¹ If you feel listened to, understood, and supported, even when things are tough, that’s a good sign you have found a therapist who is a good fit for your needs.
• You're Gaining Insight: As therapy progresses, you should begin to notice deeper insights about yourself. This could mean understanding the root causes of certain behaviors, recognizing negative thought patterns, or acknowledging unresolved trauma. Insight is often the first step toward real change.
• You're Able to Apply What You Learn: Therapy should offer practical tools that help you manage emotions, behaviors, and challenges. Whether it’s learning coping mechanisms for stress or changing the way you react to certain situations, you should feel equipped with strategies that improve your day-to-day life.
• You Feel Like You’re Making Progress Toward Your Goals: Even small steps forward are significant. If you feel like you are closer to achieving your goals, whether they are emotional, behavioral, or cognitive, this indicates that therapy is working.²

Signs Therapy is Not Working:

• You Feel Stagnant or Stuck: If you've been attending therapy for a while and feel like you’re not making any progress, it might be a sign that the therapy is not meeting your needs. It’s normal to encounter bumps in the road, but if you feel like you’re repeatedly going over the same issues without moving forward, it could be a red flag.
• You Don't Feel Comfortable with Your Therapist: The therapeutic relationship is foundational to the process. If you consistently feel misunderstood, judged, or uncomfortable with your therapist, it might be time to reconsider whether you’re in the right therapeutic relationship.
• You Feel Worse After Sessions: It’s normal to feel some discomfort after discussing tough topics in therapy, but if your therapy sessions consistently leave you feeling more upset, overwhelmed, or unsupported, this could indicate that the process is not beneficial for you.
• You’re Not Seeing Results from the Techniques or Approaches Used: If your therapist is using specific techniques or approaches but you are not able to see changes in your day-to-day life and are not making progress towards your goals, this might be a sign that this is not the right type of therapy for you.
• There is a Lack of Trust: Trust is a cornerstone of therapy. If you do not feel that you can open up to your therapist, or if you don’t trust them to understand or support you, it’s difficult for therapy to be effective.³ Lack of trust can make it impossible for you to move forward in your healing process.
• You Have Major Value or Communication Differences: Sometimes, your therapist may have a different worldview, values, or communication style than you do. If this creates an ongoing conflict, or if you feel like you're not on the same page, it could be a sign that therapy is not meeting your needs.

When to Stick With Therapy: Not All Struggles Mean You Should Quit

There will inevitably be times in therapy when things feel uncomfortable or difficult. It’s important to recognize that discomfort isn’t always a sign that therapy is failing. In fact, uncomfortable moments can often indicate growth. Here are a few questions to consider before moving on to a new therapist:

• You are working through deep or difficult issues. Therapy often brings up unresolved emotions, trauma, or painful memories. If the work feels hard, but you’re making progress toward healing, this is normal. A temporary feeling of discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean the therapy isn’t working. In fact, it might be a sign that real, transformative work is happening.
• You are experiencing a temporary setback. Emotional setbacks, regressions, or moments of confusion are normal, especially when you’re dealing with deep emotional work. If you’ve had a difficult session but still feel committed to your goals, it's worth pushing through this phase rather than quitting.
• You are experiencing some resistance to change. Change can be challenging, and sometimes people resist therapy because the changes they are making are unfamiliar or difficult to embrace. If you feel resistance but are otherwise making progress, give yourself time and space to work through these feelings.

What to do When Your Therapy is Not Working:

If you feel that your therapy is not progressing or you’re unsure about your relationship with your therapist, it’s important to bring your concerns to them. Here are a few tips on how to address this:

• Be Honest and Direct: Your therapist is there to support you, and part of their role is to help you through challenging moments, including when the therapeutic process itself feels difficult. Share openly about your concerns or frustrations. For example, you might say, “I’m not feeling like I’m making progress,” or “I feel like we’re not connecting on certain topics.”
• Focus on Your Needs: Express what you feel is missing from the sessions or what you would like more of. This could be more practical tools, a different therapeutic approach, or simply more validation of your feelings.
• Be Open to Feedback: Your therapist may have insights or suggestions about how to make your sessions more effective. Be open to hearing what they have to say, as they may have noticed something that you haven’t.

How to End Therapy

There are many valid reasons why you may decide to end therapy. You may feel that you have made progress towards your goals and feel ready to use your new skills and insight in your daily life. Or, your therapist might suggest that you are ready to end therapy based on the progress you have made in treatment. Successfully ending therapy is a big achievement, but may cause some anxiety or uncertainty. Remember, ending therapy does not have to be a permanent decision. If you find that you need additional help in the future, you can always return to therapy to brush up your skills or to address a new challenge.

On the other hand, you may find that you want to end therapy because you find that it is not working for you or you do not have a good relationship with the therapist. Choosing to end therapy or transition to a new therapist is ultimately your choice. While it can feel hard to leave your therapist before you feel “better”, sometimes a new therapist might be necessary to help you reach your goals.

Regardless of the reason why you’ve decided to end therapy, there are some guidelines for navigating the transition:

• Tell your therapist. Let your therapist know that you plan to stop therapy. This allows you both to discuss the decision and plan for the transition. It also ensures that you can wrap up your sessions in a way that feels supportive.
• Be honest about your reasons. If you feel comfortable, share why you’ve decided to end therapy. Whether you have achieved your goals and are ready to end therapy or feel that you need something different in therapy, being upfront and sharing your reasons can help you to gain clarity on the decision.
• Prepare for the transition. If you plan to start with a new therapist, ask for recommendations. Some therapists may be able to provide referrals or resources to help guide you to the next step in your journey. If you plan to end therapy, your therapist can help you to plan a strategy to continue caring for your mental health after your sessions have ended. No matter where you are in your mental health journey, Psych Hub’s care navigation service can help you find the right support, be it a new licensed therapist or digital tools to help you maintain your well-being. Consider taking our well-being assessment to explore options.
• Take time to reflect. Ending therapy doesn’t mean you have to stop working on your mental health. Take the time to reflect on what you’ve learned and apply the tools you’ve gained from therapy. Reflect upon the progress you have made and set goals for the next chapter of your mental health journey.

Conclusion

Deciding whether to break up with your therapist can be a tough and emotionally charged decision. However, it’s important to assess whether your therapy is meeting your needs, how comfortable you are with your therapist, and whether the therapeutic relationship is helping you reach your goals. While ending therapy can be difficult, it’s a personal decision that should be guided by your unique needs and experiences. Whether it’s transitioning to a new therapist or simply taking a break, always prioritize your well-being as you navigate your mental health journey.

Sources:

1. Flückiger, C., Re, A. C. D., Wampold, B. E., & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: a meta-analytic synthesis.. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316-340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172

2. Chui, H., Palma, B., Jackson, J. L., & Hill, C. E. (2020). Therapist–client agreement on helpful and wished-for experiences in psychotherapy: associations with outcome.. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 67(3), 349-360. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000393

3. Xu, M., Friedlander, M. L., Angus, L., Paivio, S. C., & Carpenter, N. (2025). The weaving of therapist responses with client storytelling to promote narrative and emotional integration of complex trauma.. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 35(1), 3-20. https://doi.org/10.1037/int0000346